Hippos and Hansard

Last Thursday, my words were immortalised in Hansard as part of a House of Lords debate on the economic and social development of Malawi. You can see the speech I wrote being read out by Baroness Northover - DFID's spokesperson in the House of Lords - here.

At the weekend I travelled to Liwonde National Park, at the southern end of Lake Malawi, on the Shire River plain. It's pretty much Malawi's premier wildlife-viewing destination, and I got to see lots of hippo, elephant, crocodiles, impala, waterbuck, bushbuck, warthogs, baboons, and a retreating kudu - plus a huge array of birds, including a fish eagle. Because the park doesn't contain any big cats, it was possible to do a game walk, as well as a game drive. We also took a boat out on the river, and I narrowly avoided getting eaten by a croc...

First elephant sighting

Elephants at the river's edge

Waterbuck at sunset

A bloat of hippos

The 'sausage tree'

The croc that nearly ate me

Warthog family

Leaving Liwonde - waterbuck in the foreground, hippos in the background

The Good Life

Nepear and I are just about to set off to pick up his wife, Melifa, and two small boys from their village, and bring them back to the house. When Nepear moved to Lilongwe to work for me, Melifa stayed behind in the village to prepare the family plot for the planting season, and once the work was complete she didn't have the money to pay for the bus fare to Lilongwe to join him. I know Nepear is very excited to see her and the kids, and to have them with him in Lilongwe.

While I'm at the village, I'm also picking up five chickens and a cockerel. The chicken pen is now finished and ready for habitation. I like to think of it as the Fort Knox of chicken pens.

Nepear modelling the impregnable chicken pen

Nepear demonstrating what a chicken might look like

The smallholding which I am rapidly creating is progressing well. We have planted red beans, white beans, carrots, cabbages, aubergines, onions, tomatoes, potatoes and lettuce. The beans and tomatoes are doing particularly well - Nepear proudly tells me the beans have achieved a 93% germination rate.

Real, live tomatoes

Beans

The garden is also full of mature fruit trees - two papaya trees; two mango trees; two mulberry trees; a pear tree; a lemon tree; and a wild loquat tree - all of which offer a number of home-brew possibilities... Yesterday I purchased three banana trees, a peach tree, and an orange trees, which will all be planted next week.

One of the papaya trees

On Wednesday I drove to an area near to some tobacco leaf processing plants to purchase some waste products which can be used as fertiliser. I bought four bags, but unfortunately didn't actually get given the bags, but rather just the contents, which were emptied into the back of the office car... In time, I hope to make the garden self-sufficient - I plan to grow millet and sorghum to feed the chickens and use the waste from the chickens to fertilise the vegetables.

Piliran helping to unload the tobacco fertiliser

Cult of Grott

Much later on, someone would describe me as looking like a young Al Murray, but all I knew when I entered the stifling church hall last Sunday, was that I had come home to my people, to bring to them the four gospels, of Benny, Anni-Frid, Agnetha, and Bjorn.

Settled in my make-shift throne, next to the door with the cool breeze, I sat back as the launch party for the Holy Ladders to Heaven choir's difficult third album got under way.

Pictured on throne, wearing authentic leopard skin headband and holding bashing stick

What followed was a smorgasbord of Malawian entertainment, featuring - amongst others - renowned gospel crooner, Thoko Katimba.

Before I was really ready - before the world was really ready - it was my turn to entertain the assembled masses. Wielding an absurdly over-sized shield, I did my best thriller dance - drawing real hard moolah from the crowd, like some sort of sweaty tribal stripper.

My next duty was to cut the ceremonial ribbon, before entering into a one-man auction against myself to have the honour of buying the first CD. Despite a MK 20,000 (£30) limit being agreed with the organisers several days before, the MC took his chances and opened the bidding at MK 1,000,000 (£1,500)...

'Mm, no, not a million...'

'OK, what's the best you can do? MK 750,000?'

'No, probably not 750'

'600?'

'No, I don't think 600'

'Well what's the best you can do?'

'I can do 20'

At this point he looks at me like I've just cracked open a can of surströmming. Clearly there's been some breakdown in communication, and the message hasn't reached him that I'm not the Prime Minister of England.

Turning to the crowds he says, with a hint of disdain: 'He can do 20. Is 20 enough?'

'NOOOOOO', roars the crowd - the Malawian equivalent of Emperor Commodus giving you the thumbs down.

He turns back.

I point out that I only have 28 in my wallet, but I'm willing to push to 25 (£40).

Now I see him realise the enormity of his mistake. I'm not the Prime Minister after all. I didn't bring the suitcase necessary to carry a thousand MK 1000 notes with me. I haven't even ironed my shirt. I'm only going to give him 25,000. He and I are both going to be dragged from this hall and burnt alive.

I have a speech I say. No time for the speech he says. But it's got an ABBA quote in it, and I've spent all morning memorising the Chichewa bit. No time for the speech. Turning to the crowd, he announces the paltry sum and before they can get really angry, thanks them for their attendance and scuttles off stage.

The unread speech

Ginny vs. Frog

Reading the blog

Left to right: Piliran; Patrick; Nepear

Dear Mr. Grott

Both Piliran and Noah are members of the local Church of Central Africa Presbyterian (CCAP) - a religious relic from Scotland's historic association with Malawi (David Livingston reached Lake Malawi in 1859).

This Sunday, the CCAP choir - known as 'the Holy Ladders to Heaven Choir' - will launch their CD to a congregation of around a thousand. The Vice-President of Malawi was due to be the guest of honour, cut the ribbon and give the keynote speech.

When Piliran told me that the Vice-President had pulled out at the last minute, I jokingly said that I could pretend to be the Prime Minister of England and attend as the guest of honour instead. Yesterday morning, Piliran handed me a letter, signed by the Chairman of CCAP, inviting me to do just that. He has assured me that he has communicated that I am not, in fact, the Prime Minister, but I think they were desperate.

Piliran has written me a speech, which I am in the process of tweaking...

The invitation letter

The draft speech

Visit to Dedza

Maize (known as corn in England) is the staple crop in Malawi. 85% of Malawi's workforce is involved in agriculture, the majority being subsistence smallholder farmers. Typically, a Malawian family will own or rent a small area of land, which they will farm by hand. They will grow mostly maize, which will provide their food for the year. Once harvested, the maize will be ground down into flour, which is used to make 'nsima', a starchy substance which resembles spongy mash potato. It's fair to say that this is the Malawian national dish. Depending on availability, nsima will be accompanied by 'relish' - most usually goat, fish or vegetables.

 A mountain of nsima cooked up by the guards

Farmers will also grow a small number of 'cash-crops' to provide some income - most typically this will be tobacco. The global push to reduce smoking has reduced the demand for (and therefore price of) tobacco in recent decades.

Due to its heavy reliance on just one staple crop, Malawi is extremely vulnerable to climate shocks, which affect the maize harvest and lead to food shortages and famine. The vast majority of Malawian agricultural production is rain-fed (i.e there is no artificial irrigation), meaning that there is only one harvest a year - at the end of the rainy season, in April. When these harvests are affected by floods and droughts, the impact on Malawians can be devastating. In 2002, a famine in Malawi killed between 300 and 3000 people. Further food crises followed in 2005 and 2013, with climatic factors exacerbated by political mismanagement.

On Tuesday, I travelled to Dedza district with some colleagues, to visit three villages where DFID funding is helping to increase the resilience of communities to climate shocks through diversifying incomes (e.g. by broadening the crop-base; helping villagers procure livestock; and providing training in alternative livelihoods, like bee-keeping and stove-making); encouraging the use of conservation agriculture practices which reduce the need for inputs like fertiliser and water; and building irrigation systems to allow villagers to cushion the impacts of floods and droughts, and most importantly harvest crops more than once a year.

We were shown how the stoves were made. A group of villagers digs clay from the ground; this clay is then shaped into a stove, which is baked in a hand-made kiln. A similar process is used to make bricks for building houses. The stoves are far more efficient than open fires, using ten times less wood for the same heat output. This not only reduces the time villagers have to spend collecting firewood, but - perhaps more importantly - helps reduce deforestation - a serious problem in Malawi where the majority of the population cook using firewood. The stoves also produce less smoke than an open fire, helping to reduce the negative impacts of smoke inhalation on the population. Once they have made enough stoves for the village, the villagers will start selling them to neighbouring villagers or to traders, who bring them to the cities to sell. The villagers sell the stoves for 75p.

A stove being made

A stove in action

Conservation agriculture techniques are increasingly popular in Malawi, where fertiliser is expensive, and rainfall unpredictable. Conservation agriculture is a way of locking nutrients and moisture into the soil. Frequently used techniques include crop rotation, planting trees which help fertilise the soil, and laying maize husks across a field to trap moisture and prevent heavy rains from washing away nutrients.

A farmer stands in his maize husk-covered field, showing the soil from the field (left), which is full of nutrients, and the soil from a neighbouring non-maize husk-covered field, which is devoid of nutrients

Of all the interventions which we saw, the most impressive - and seemingly the most effective, in terms of increasing incomes - was the implementation of irrigation systems, which allowed villagers to harvest more than one crop a year, and continue to water their crops during periods of drought. We visited two irrigation systems. Both drew water from streams running through nearby mountains. A network of concrete lined ditches and pipes brought the water to the villagers' fields, where they used miniature dams to control the flow of water onto their crops. The villagers dug the channels themselves, with funding for the materials coming from DFID and other donor partners. Each system cost around £10,000 to build. The systems were designed by a young Malawian Civil Engineer, who travelled to the villages with us, and was welcomed like a returning hero! The impact of the irrigation schemes was clear to see. We spoke to one woman who was using the additional income she was receiving from the extra harvest to pay her children's school fees; before the irrigation scheme had been built, she was illegally taking wood from a nearby protected forest to sell and illegally brewing and selling beer, in order to pay the fees.

Irrigation channels drawing water from the mountains

Villagers watering their crops

An irrigated maize field

In each village we visited we received an overwhelming welcome, in which all the women in the village sung and danced. The song lyrics had been specifically tailored to our visit: 'DFID is coming, what shall we do with them? Let's hug them and show them where to sit?' etc. It was hard to resist dancing, but as I was the one doing the filming, the truth of my exploits will remain a mystery. We also heard a poem, saw a play, and received a speech of heartfelt thanks from one of the village Headmen on behalf of 'all the people overseas' who had helped the villagers to improve their lives.

All of the interventions outlined above have been designed to be self-sustaining, to ensure the villagers are able to continue to benefit - and share their knowledge with other villagers - without donor support.

Important as this work is in the short-term, to help mitigate the threat of future famines, smallholder farming - no matter how productive - will not deliver the sustained economic growth that Malawi needs to improve the lives of its citizens. How Malawi - a land-locked country, with few natural resources - delivers this growth is an interesting question, and one I'll be returning to in this blog.

Patrick

It's Mother's Day here on 15 October. One of my guards, Patrick, has gone to visit his Mum this weekend, back in the village where he grew up. He hasn't seen her since March.

Patrick is 19. His Father died when he was five. To pay for his schooling, his Mother gradually sold off their herd of goats. When the goats ran out, Patrick dropped out of school. Last year, to help support his Mum - who, like most Malawians, ekes out a living from a small field, which she farms by hand - Patrick moved to Lilongwe to look for work. He moved in with his Sister, who was already living here with her husband and baby.

Patrick works for Ursa Security Limited (USI), which has operations in Malawi and Zambia. USI are contracted to protect all British Government properties in Malawi, including the High Commission and the residences of diplomatic staff.

Patrick earns around £37 per month, which is a difficult salary to live on Lilongwe. Of that £37, he sends around £15 back to his Mum every month (if he can find someone who is travelling back to the village, that he can give the money to) to help her buy basic goods. In the first year of working for USI (Patrick has been working for them for 11 months), staff do not receive any annual leave. So while he is away, two of the other guards will be covering his shifts - this will mean they will be working consecutive day and night shifts.

Patrick has just one year of schooling left to complete. All secondary schooling in Malawi is private, and paying school fees typically takes up a large proportion of household expenditure. Frequently, people will be paying the school fees of their own children, and those of their younger brothers and sisters, whose parents have either died or are unable to afford the fees.

Fees are around £13 a term (three terms a year). Patrick was very keen to return to school. The fees for the local school were £13 per term (three terms a year). When I arrived in Malawi, Patrick had managed to save £9 for school fees, but term started at the beginning of September and time was running out for him to return to school this year. I agreed to give him the remaining £4 so that he could return to his studies immediately.

He still needs to work to earn money, so on a typical week Patrick will work mostly night shifts at my house, while going to school in the day. The guards work twelve hour shifts, from 6pm to 6am and vice versa.

Patrick's Sister's house is a two hour walk from my house, so to help make his life easier, I lent him £45 to buy a bicycle. He'll be paying me back £7.50 a month.

On Thursday night Patrick brought home some geometry homework, so we had a fun evening on the veranda discussing the properties of cyclic quadrilaterals.

Nepear (left) helping Patrick (centre) with his math's homework on the veranda. Piliran is standing.

Dog training

Nepear and I just returned from an exhausting morning of dog training at the Lilongwe Society for the Protection and Care of Animals (LSPCA). The LSPCA is the only animal welfare charity in Malawi and was formed with the support of the RSPCA. They rescue mistreated animals and run spay and neuter clinics and rabies vaccination programmes. Every Saturday they run a free dog training session - Harry and Ginny appear to be slow learners.

I first visited their centre in July, when I travelled to Malawi for a familiarisation trip. I spotted Harry and Ginny, and asked if they could keep them for me until I returned in September. To my surprise, when I came back in September, they were still there. After a visit to my house from one of the LSPCA staff, to make sure they would have a suitable environment to live in, I brought them home. They've been living here almost as long as I have, and have settled in well. Most of their days are spent wrestling with each other and following Nepear and Joseph around the garden. By evening they've normally collapsed from exhaustion on their rug (or, increasingly frequently, one of the chairs) on the veranda.

Harry's around four months old now. He was being sold at the side of the road when he was rescued. He was being sold with his brother, and they were both starving. His brother unfortunately died. Ginny is around seven months old. I don't know her story. They've both got their own personalities, and seem to get on well. Jealousy is an issue, so everything has to come in twos.

I shampooed them when we got home, which is always a traumatic experience. So I now have two wet, tired, slightly disgruntled dogs.

Post-shampoo (Ginny near; Harry far)

Beginnings

I just checked my calendar; it appears I've been in Malawi almost four weeks.

It's been a busy four weeks. The household has expanded rapidly since my arrival. It now consists of two puppies (Harry and Ginny); a gardener (Joseph); an ambitiously titled 'estate manager' (Nepear); and four guards (Patrick, Piliran, Noah, and Khalani), who are charged with protecting my life at all costs - as I sit typing this on the veranda at 1am, Piliran is asleep on the chair opposite and Patrick is napping in the hammock.

More are on the way. Needing a job, Nepear moved from his village to Lilongwe (Malawi's capital), to work for me, while his wife, Melifa, stayed behind to prepare the family field for planting - which will commence at the start of the rainy season in early December. She's now ready to join him in Lilongwe and will be bringing their two small boys (Patience and Robert) with her. They will all live in the 'staff quarters' - a small brick building at the back of my house.

We are also expecting the imminent arrival of a number of chickens. I spent this afternoon with Nepear, at the Indian-run hardware stores in Lilongwe Old Town, purchasing chicken wire; corrugated iron sheets; nails; a hammer; and large quantities of wood - with which we plan to construct a luxury chicken pen and house, suitable for a number of locally sourced chickens. The first vegetables have also been planted and are being diligently watered. In time, perhaps we will manage to generate enough produce to justify a stall at the Lilongwe Farmer's Market...

Nepear preparing the vegetable patch